End of 2012!

Well time has come for an end of what will hopefully be a new beginning for the Jamison family!  2012 brought some really big highs and some really big lows.  I am hoping for a little less ups and downs in 2013.

Christmas brought a lot of fun times with family!  We kicked off the fun times at Corey's parents for some dinner, Christmas eve church service, and then a gift exchange in the evening.  Good times and laughter was had by all!  Christmas day C & I went to my grandparents house in Grimes.  We decided to change things up a bit for dinner.  We went with soup and sandwiches, along with some snackies!  After dinner brought another gift exchange.  I think the best gift of all was a kids camera that my cousin's little boy received.  The camera allowed you to add mustaches, hats, ice cream cones, and other misc. things to people's faces / heads once you took the picture!  This sure brought some giggles out from the crowd!  My parents and brother came to our house later in the evening and we had our own small family Christmas.  We lounged around our house on Wednesday and just had fun hanging out together.  Piglet (Max) really enjoyed all the visitors, and well his Christmas gifts...  Mom bought him a sock that was filled with a plastic bottle (which lasted all of 10 minutes - if that) and his favorite CHEETOS!!!

C & I (and Max) are going to go ice fishing up in northern Minnesota for a few days over the new year.  We'll get in a little rest and relaxation as well as some fun! 

Next doctor appointment is Thursday the 3rd.  I'll get my blood drawn, have a lining check ultrasound, sign our FET consent form, and pay our portion of the FET fees.  Fortunately, since we'll be in 2013 at that point, I'll be able to use my flex spending cash!

So far I've just been keeping up with my daily vitamins, patches, and nightly Lupron shot.  The shot will end on the 31st. and I'll continue on with the patches.  The dreaded progesterone IM shot will begin on the 5th....

See you all next year (after the 3rd) for the next update!  Hah! 

Much Love,
ALJ

 

Space Cadet

I'm not quite sure what's going on lately, but I've felt like a total space cadet and I am increasingly tired!  I keep forgetting to take my pills and vitamins in the morning... I haven't forgotten to take them for an entire day but I keep forgetting until late evening!  I am also so tired at night time.  I don't know if the up and down temperatures and the early sun set is causing this or what!  I can't stay awake much past 8 or 8:30... Feel like an old lady.

I finished up my birth control pills last weekend, and have continued my Lupron shots for a week + now.  I totally spaced off giving myself a shot last week until early in the morning, as I fell asleep early and didn't wake up until 3:45 am...!  I have since gotten smarter and set an alarm for 10pm.  The sleepiness is actually working out pretty well as I am so groggy when I take my shot that I can't really comprehend the poke!

Today brought my estradiol level check at the clinic.  I went in early at 7:30 and had the blood draw.  My nurse called back later in the morning to say that my estrogen level was at a 39, which is good to go for the FET.  On Wednesday, I'll start the two Vivelle Dot patches and continue to change those out every 3 days.  I'll continue on with the lupron until the end of the year.  I have my lining check ultrasound on Jan. 3rd., to basically see if we still have a green light for the FET.

I hope you all enjoy the holidays!  C and I will be partaking in at least 3 family gatherings!  I can't wait to enjoy the time with family.

Love you all,
ALJ

Druggie

I stopped by Bauder's today to pick up my "supply".  I picked up my Lupron, Vivelle patches, progesterone, a couple different antibiotic pills, and a muscle relaxer for THE day.  I managed to shell out a little over $350.00 for my "supply".  I seriously felt like an addict when I left as I had two bags full of medications, alcohol pads, and two big bundles of two different sizes of syringes!  Today was by far the most I've carried out of that place!!!  I did struggle a little bit to hold onto everything and open the door to leave as of course I had a malt in one hand... I had to buy a malt on my way out!

Last week I received an awesome letter from Wellmark Blue Cross stating that Bauder Pharmacy would no longer be a preferred vendor for home infusion therapy.  The letter stated that I had received medications from this vendor in the past 6 months.  The really awesome letter unfortunately did not state what medications I may have received that would fall under their category of home infusion therapy.  They did however conveniently offer two other pharmacies to utilize instead:  HyVee and CVS.  Well thanks Wellmark, but neither one of those two pharmacies provide any fertility drug services.  Curiosity got the best of me and I decided to give Wellmark a call to get a better understanding of the letter.  I looked online at their information booklet that described what their definition of home infusion therapy was and I was still confused.  Their broad information booklet really didn't help me decipher if the medications I need would be covered at all or even if the medications I need would fall under home infusion therapy.

Anyways, as I said I called Wellmark to get a better understanding, but their customer service representative didn't have a clue what home infusion therapy was nor did she know if any of the medications on my claims would fall under that category.  So...not....helpful....that the letter didn't explain what specific medications they wouldn't be covering starting 1/1/2013.  The lady on the phone didn't have a clue, but mentioned that just because Bauder's wouldn't be a preferred vendor I could use another pharmacy to get the medications.  I mentioned to the customer service representative that there was no other pharmacy that currently sells fertility drugs in the greater state of Iowa... Thanks.

As I was not satisfied with my answer from the customer service representative, I decided to ask the pharmacists at Bauder's as I can't be the only patient at Mid-Iowa Fertility to have Wellmark as an insurance provider.  General consensus from talking to the pharmacists and my experience with the customer service representative, Wellmark doesn't have a flippen clue what they're doing.  They're being wishy washy about the services - home infusion therapy and which medications fall under that requirement.  All of this wishy washyness is tied into this past spring when Bauder's was under investigation by the State for prescription pain killers. Long story short this girl is not pleased... and I will be checking into this situation a little bit more on my end with Wellmark (again) and I want to get in contact with the financial gal at the clinic.

I'll start my first shot of Lupron on Saturday evening!  This will bring back memories of our last try and the first shot I had to psych up for was during the Olympics when the women's gymnastics team won gold!

Till next time!
ALJ

Calendar and a Plan

I received our FET (frozen embryo transfer) calendar from Nicole this week!    I can't believe that we're almost into December - where has this year gone?!  From the looks of the calendar, our FET will be on Thursday, January 10th.

For the time being, my daily routine consists of taking a prenatal multi-vitamin, an extra vitamin D pill, a birth control pill, and a baby aspirin.  Sunday I will start taking Metronidazole (antibiotic) twice a day.  So for now I'm just a pill popper until I start the Lupron injections.

I managed to get my buns to the gym twice this week... I consider this a pretty big accomplishment!  I went on Monday and today.  I strolled out of bed by 4:00ish am to get ready to head to town by 4:30 - 4:45 ish.  I'm starting out slow by just doing a little walking on the treadmill.  Think I'll stick to this routine for a little while until I can work up to doing something else!  Both times I walked, my legs felt like jello when I stepped of the treadmill to get ready for work!

I am looking forward to the holiday's and attending more women's basketball games as I know this will keep me busy!  I also have a really busy next week at work!

Until next time, I'll be poppin' pills... what will you be doing?  :)

Love you,
ALJ

Third Times a Charm

Hello all,

Saturday officially started our third times a charm attempt.  I'll have to contact Nicole at the clinic for our official calendar.  As always I am looking forward to getting my calendar.  I feel so much better when I have a plan of attack and know what is coming ahead.

I was having an internal battle with myself... My heart wanted to kick start this cycle with the progesterone pills and get things going, but something inside me said to just have patience and wait.  I think I finally have an understanding of the patience thing... I'm ready to just let things flow and happen as they will.  I am sure part of feeling this way is because I've been through just about everything once before, but I also am ready to just slow down and let things happen. 

I am also having another battle with myself... I am at an all time high in the weight category!  The past year has taken a mighty toll on my weight!  I have been slightly less motivated to move in general... whether that be to go outside and pull the weeds in the flower beds, get things done around the house, and go out to do errands.  I signed up for a membership to use the gym at work.  The monthly rates are really cheap compared to most gyms around the DSM area.  The facilities are nice and I am planning on using the gym before work.  I think that the gym will be fairly less occupied that early in the morning and I'll look less like a fool as I get started!  This girl is out of shape - yikes! 

Hope you all enjoyed a wonderful thanksgiving with your families!  I am very very thankful for the friends and family who have supported and those that continue to support us on our journey.

Love,
ALJ

Three steps forward... one HUGE step backwards.

I'm not even sure where to start... but I guess I'll give 'er a shot by starting where I left you all in my last post.  At our second ultrasound 10/15 @ 11:40, the nurse didn't have good news.  Baby J didn't show any growth nor show signs of a beating heart.  While we knew that the doctor was concerned about the previous ultrasound and the low heart beat, we still had hope for the best.  October 15th... the day that the nurse told C & I that our Baby J was gone... at approximately 7 weeks old.  October 15th... is also the official date of Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Remembrance Day.

I had no signs or symptoms of a miscarriage at all... Dr. Young gave us the option to wait for a natural miscarriage or go forward with a D&C (Dilation & Curettage).  After hearing the news from the nurse and discussing things with Dr. Young, I knew that I couldn't go back to work.  I came home and that afternoon C and I took a ride in the truck with piglet (aka Max) and talked about our options.  I called Dr. Young on Tuesday morning to let him know that I had decided to go ahead with the D&C procedure.  For my own mental stability and emotional state, I knew that I couldn't sit around and wonder when things would naturally take their toll.  Wednesday afternoon I was scheduled for my surgery.  Things went as well as they could for that situation and I didn't experience much pain from the procedure.

Almost 4 weeks have passed and every day has been a challenge.  I feel like I've been through all 5 stages of grief... and some days I pass through all of them... and other days I revert back to the beginning.  One of the hardest things to do is to wake up every day and go into work, be out in public places, etc. and pretend that everything is okay.  I think the biggest thing at the moment that has me hung up, is trying how to physically remember our Baby J.

Last Monday 11/5, C & I met with Dr. Young for a follow up / a where to go from here appointment.  We still have 3 frozen embryos and 5 frozen eggs to work with.  Next step is to wait for my cycle to start.  After that will be the same thing as last time: birth control pills, Lupron shots, estrogen patches, progesterone shots and then the frozen transfer.  Looks like the transfer will be around the first of the year if not shortly after that if things go well.

I for one am hoping for 3rd times a charm... guess we'll see...

Uuntil next time,
ALJ

Baby J!

Hello all!  Has been quite some time since my last post!  I had my first ultrasound on Thursday 10/4/12. 

6 weeks 1 day (plus or minus 4 days) - Showing how BIG baby J is...

Showing the heart rate @ 53 beats per minute

I was pretty nervous before this appointment, which was at 2:20 pm, the latest appointment I've had thus far...!  The clinic must have been very very very busy that day as I didn't get called back to the room until a little after 3.  So... go figure I was beyond nervous and excited after waiting that long!  Amazing to see on the screen the little miracle and heart beating!  The heart beat was a little slow, and the doc was a little concerned.  My next appointment is Monday 10/15 at 11:40 - a much better time and I can take an extended lunch with Corey!  I also switched away from the 1.5" needles for my nightly progesterone shot to a different style of progesterone - Crinone.  No more shots!!  I'm not going to describe much about this type of medicine, but if you get curious - look it up yourself :-P.

Corey and I took a little trip to Canada this past week.  This vacation away from work and home was much needed for the both of us!  We averaged at least two, if not over two naps per day.  Pretty much a relaxing and stress free week.  The fishing and weather were not the best, but we still were able to enjoy our time away!

Excited for tomorrow...tomorrow's appointment... not really my return to work !

ALJ

BFP!

BFP! BFP!  BIG FAT POSITIVE!!! 

I had my initial blood draw on Tuesday.  I told the nurse that drew my blood to not have anyone contact me until after 4pm Tuesday afternoon.  I had an all day teleconference, and a meeting at the plant from 2:45 - 3:45.  I knew that either way the results were going to cause me to be an emotional wreck and I didn't want to show any emotions at work!  By 3:45 as the meeting was ending I was nervous as ever!  I was nervous all day long, but I knew that I'd get the results soon!  I left work as soon as I could hoping that I would be home before the clinic called as I didn't really want to be driving to hear the news.

I got home a little after 4 and tried to watch Ellen to keep me entertained until I got the call.  At 4:45, I couldn't take the wait any longer!  I called the clinic, of course none of the nurses answered, so I left a message for SOMEONE to call me back - btw the clinic closes at 5.  At 4:50 I called my nurse Nicole and left her a message hoping she would call be back!  Finally, at 4:55 I received a call from Dr. Young.  He told me that my hCG level was in the 200's and I was indeed pregnant.  Yessssssssssssssssssss!!!  I was seriously ready to check myself into the ER for heart palpitations.... what was the doc thinking to wait until 4:55! 

Thursday I went to the clinic for a follow up blood draw.  Again, I received a phone call from Dr. Young.  He said that my hCG level had doubled to 470ish range.  This is a normal increase and everything looks good on paper!  I was told to set up and ultrasound two weeks from Thursday.  So, I now have an ultrasound on Oct. 4th - I can't wait!

Corey & I are beyond excited with the recent news!  Obviously you've been included in our journey and exciting news if you've received my calls, texts, or have read this blog!  We are happy to share the news with some really close family members and friends, but we are not quite ready to go out and scream the news to the world!  When things get a little further along and a couple months from now we'll be ready to start telling more and more people - we just want things to continue to go well!

Next update around or after the ultrasound on the 4th!

Love much
Corey, Amber, Max & Baby J(s)

Transferred Twice!

There is a double meaning in this post!  We officially completed our 2nd embryo transfer - the frozen embryo transfer on Thursday.  We also transferred two embryos.  Everything seemed to go pretty well and we were in and out of the clinic in a little under an hour.  We still have three frozen embryos in case things don't work out.

I scheduled my blood test for the 18th - 12 days after the transfer.  I could do a home test, but similar to the first attempt, I don't believe I can bring myself to do so.  Here's to hoping that this next week at work flies, the weekend will bring a fun tailgate with friends at the ISU vs. Western Illinois football game, and then two more working days before I can find out how things went this time!  I know that work will be easier to go back to and next week will be better as one of my bosses called me the morning before the transfer tell tell me that they finally approved my much needed raise.  I am not sure when the raise will take into effect, but again this will make going to work a whole heck of a lot easier and give me motivation to keep up the good work!

I have been lounging around the last two days, per doctor's orders... so, I am looking forward to being a little more mobile tomorrow!  Hoping that I can get somewhere to watch the "big" game - GO STATE!

Lil' Piglet - aka Max - snoozing with me while I "lounged"

Here's to enjoying the next 11 days and here's to hopefully hearing some good news!

Until next time,
ALJ

Awkward Turtle!

I had my appointment today!  Pretty excited / nervous for this appointment, but all went well!  I had some blood drawn and then an ultrasound.  The ultrasound was to check the thickness of my lining.  The nurse said everything looked great and we're all set for our 1pm transfer next Thursday!  I was relieved to hear that things would be moving forward on the day that the calendar originally stated... less than a week!

Now onto the title of this post! I had to have Corey meet me at the clinic to sign the frozen embryo consent form - legal stuff.  We had to sign the sheet in front of a notary aka the front desk lady.  Somewhat of a wasted trip for him, but I promised that I would take him out for lunch!  We went practically next door to El Rodeo a Mexican restaurant.  In less than 10 minutes after we were seated, they sat down a few staff members from the clinic at a table right behind me!  So out of the 6 people sitting at this table, 1 of them was an outcast as I know he doesn't work at the clinic but the other 3/5 have seen my goodies and the other 2 have vampired my arm for blood... as the post says... this was a little bit of an awkward turtle.  Not knowing what the proper protocol was for this situation, I didn't make eye contact and smiled as we got up to leave - didn't want to seem like a total wench...

I've been trying to find things to keep my preoccupied to not think about the upcoming events, that I went ahead and caved in... and bought the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy.  I was mildly thinking that this would give me something to do while I'm supposed to be lounging next Thursday and Friday.  I found that lounging while you're not really sick is a hard thing as so many things and ideas run through your head - what could I be doing while I'm at home and not at that thing called work... hrm...  Back to the books, so I bought them via Itunes and started reading them on Tuesday evening.  I just finished the first book tonight... I'm not sure that I'll have anything left to read by next week and I can't seem to stop reading!  I really want to know what is going to happen next and I am having a hard time putting the "book" down!  Last night I had to quit as my phone battery was drained - HAH!

Before the excitement on Thursday, I have to get through the dreaded progesterone shots.  The intramuscular shots in my "butt" region are not very much fun, contrary to popular belief!  I start the shots on Saturday evening.

Hope you enjoy your long weekend!  I'll be enjoying a long weekend, a 2 day work week, and another long weekend!  Just as I told Corey tonight... I'm High!! I'm high on life that is...

Until next time,
Love,
ALJ

Riding High

I am going to assume that no news is good news!  I had my appointment on the 9th for a blood draw to check my estradiol level, but didn't get any information back from the clinic.  The 13th brought the first day for the Vivelle skin patches.  This time around I have to wear two and change them every 4th day.  I was itching (literally) to get the patches off the morning of the 4th day.  I don't recall having an itchy feeling the first time I wore them?!  My last Lupron shot is on the 23rd and I'm definitely looking forward to that!  I forgot how sensitive my tummy gets with all those needle pokes!  Just even a brush of the hand hurts a little!  My next milestone is the 30th for an ultrasound, blood work, sign the consent form for the frozen cycle, and pay my part of the frozen transfer fees.  I misread my calendar and thought I would have to pay on the 9th, but I got a extra bonus of a couple weeks before shelling out the cash. 

The roller coaster is riding high.  I felt great today, in fact the best I've felt in quite a while and I'm not sure why, but I felt refreshed, happy, and full of energy.  I accomplished quite a bit at work this week and things have been looking up in the work department - hopefully a much deserved raise will come soon as well...(fingers crossed)! 

Don't forget next weekend is the 3rd Annual Jamison Fish Fry! Come on out and join us for food, friends, and fun!

Familiar Territory

Yesterday brought the first Lupron shot since the first part of May.  The first shot was a little tough to get right back into the groove!  I drew up the shot and danced around for the next 5 minutes trying to get myself ready.  I had to leave the kitchen and go watch the women's gymnastic team win the GOLD medal in the team event.  I told myself that if the women's team could pull together and get things done, then maybe I should just follow their example!  So, I went back to the kitchen and 1, 2, 3, and done!  Tonight was better and I only hesitated once. :)  I have a feeling that the next couple nights will be even better.  Pretty excited again to get things headed in the right direction.  The next milestone is my appointment next Thursday the 9th for some blood work to check my estradiol level as well as paying my 20% co-payment for the cost of the FET (frozen embryo transfer). 

Next update after the 9th - can't believe August has arrived already!

ALJ

Relax

I can finally relax! I tried not to get impatient, but I hate not knowing where I'm going and what is ahead! I called my nurse Nicole at the clinic Monday and inquired about how long you wait to get your cycle after taking the progesterone pills. She was out of the office, but called me Tuesday and left a message. She said that your cycle can take up to 14 days to start after taking the progesterone, and mentioned that if I was at the 14 day point to call back, otherwise keep on waiting! If I could have only waited one more day....! Day one of the 2nd round of in vitro officially started Tuesday! I called Nicole today and left her a message. I said in the message that I was just testing her knowledge about the progesterone pills... Mentioned day 1 and thanked her for calling me back and being patient (something I'm still learning hah)! She called back and said she had to laugh at my message and that the same thing happens to quite a few people. She said she'd get my handy dandy calendar ready and send 'er to me. First two weeks will probably be birth control and a baby aspirin. Third week will start the Lupron subcutaneous stomach shots. Who knows after that as we're doing a frozen cycle this time. I am looking forward to more structure and dates to check off the calendar! I am excited to go back to Bauders Pharmacy to not only get the drugs but mostly excited for the old fashioned malts!!! Yes, I'm going to indulge.

Waiting Waiting Waiting!

Still waiting for my cycle to start in order to kick start this second round !  I ended up taking the progesterone pills on the 4th to hopefully start my cycle, but that didn't work how I envisioned!  I believe that my nurse Nicole mentioned that some time could pass before you have your cycle after finishing the progesterone pills, but can't really remember how long she mentioned.  So, I called today and left a message as she was out of the office.  I am very frustrated with my body and do not understand why things have been so difficult!  So, times like this I go back to the email that my mom sent me, which was a daily note she received.  Check the note out below... Maybe you can relate?

Sometimes God Says 'Not Yet'
by Rick Warren

If you're discouraged because of God's delay in answering your prayers, understand the delay is not a denial. Just because the answer hasn't come yet doesn't mean God isn't going to answer or that he's forgotten you or that he doesn't care about you.
It simply means "not yet"!

Part of becoming spiritually mature is learning the difference between "no" and "not yet," between a denial and a delay. The Bible tells us, "He who is coming will come and will not delay" (Hebrews 10:37 NIV).

God's delay may be a test of your patience. Anybody can be patient once, and most people can be patient twice. A lot of us can even be patient three times. So God tests our patience over and over and over.
Why? So he can see how patient you are? No!
He does it so you can see how patient you are — so you know what's inside you and your level of commitment. God tests you so that you know he is faithful, even if the answers you seek are delayed.

If you're discouraged, turn it around by remembering God teaches you patience during delay. Ask him to transform your discouragement into patience.

Talk About It
Spend some time in prayer about a specific situation where you feel God is delaying his response to your request. Ask him for patience, and trust in his sovereignty.

Moving On

Moving on forward!  C and I met with Dr. Young on the 14th to talk about moving forward.  We have 5 frozen embryos to utilize!  The doc also mentioned that we had 5 frozen eggs... which was news to me!  The 5 frozen embryos were a relief to me knowing that this second time around wouldn't involve as many shots and all of the fertility drugs to pump up my ovaries!  The 5 frozen eggs were such a bonus!  Gave me even more hope that we won't need to do the fertility drugs.... ever again? 

I knew that we'd have to take a month off from everything, so the waiting game again has tested my patience.  Hopefully, things will start up again somewhere around July 2nd.  I have to wait until my cycle starts before starting on the 2nd round of in vitro.  If my cycle doesn't start on it's own the doc gave me a prescription for progesterone to kick start 'er.  As soon a things start up, I'll start birth control pills.  After about a week and a half of that I'll start on the small subcutaneous Lupron shots in my stomach.  Again, Lupron basically puts my body in a stall position to get things just right to insert the embryos.  I'll also be starting on 2 patches of estrogen.  The first ivf cycle I only used 1 estrogen patch, but with the frozen cycles they prescribe 2 patches.  I won't have to do as many blood draws or ultrasound scans this time around, which will be a little bit easier.  

I think I've finally snapped out of my 'funk.'  I somewhat feel as though I was addicted.... if that's what addiction feels like?  The only thing that consumed my entire life for the past 3 months (well honestly longer than that... but this is the closest we've been) has been in vitro and the thought of starting a family!  Every time I turned my head I saw billboards, commercials, movies, fliers, magazines, and pregnant women... I forget what that phenomenon is... so you buy a new vehicle and all you see is the same exact model / make as your vehicle, but before you bought vehicle you never noticed that make / model on the road.  Anyways, I couldn't get the thought out of my mind - pregnant, pregnant, pregnant.  Work wasn't and hasn't been enjoyable during this entire time either, and has been somewhat of a drag.  I wanted to be anywhere but work, but all I did at home was sit around and worry about in vitro - would it be successful, and why did things not work out?

I think things are turning in a good direction.  I give thanks to all of my family and friends who have helped me through!  While Saturday, June 2nd was probably the worst day of my life, I have been reminded and I have reminded myself that I have so much to live for as well as so much to look forward to in the future!  So here's to the future...!

PS, if you haven't already marked down on your calendar... August 25th... the last Saturday in August is the Annual Jamison Fish Fry! Hope to see you all there :)

Until next time,
love,
ALJ

BFN

I've been reading a few online forums and websites and they all use acronyms for everything!  BFN also known as Big Fat Negative.  For those of you who really know me, I definitely would substitute a different word for the F, but I think just about everyone can figure that one out!  Unfortunately, on Saturday I received the call from my nurse at the clinic.  I could tell by the first words she spoke that her news wouldn't be good.  She told me that my hCG (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin) level was at a 2, which was way too low for me to be pregnant.  A hCG level of less than 5mIU/ml is considered negative for pregnancy, and anything above 25mIU/ml is considered positive for pregnancy.  My levels should have been significantly higher as I waited three weeks instead of testing at the two week point.

In other words this ivf cycle did not work.  Nicole, my nurse, said that the next step was to set up an appointment with the doc at the clinic in this next week and discuss our options for the future.  I'm not really sure what else she said during the phone call... after the words "that level is too low for a successful pregnancy," I kinda stopped listening.  I do recall her saying that the next time around would be "easier" as I won't have to have as many drugs to prepare my body, but that the prescriptions would be slightly different than this first time around. 

To say I was devastated would the biggest an understatement of the year.  I'm not sure if I am just a little naive or what...at first I always assumed that having kids would be easy, and would happen immediately... now I thought that ivf would just work, it had to right?  Everything was perfect, everything went well... but what happened?!  There are probably a million and a half scenarios that have already gone through my head as to why things went the way they did, which is probably why I have 2 cold sores on my bottom lip... a little stress maybe???? Unfortunately, I don't think I can sit around and  keep trying to figure out what happened, as I'll probably never know.  All I do know is that something must not have been right, there has to be some reason as to why this time around didn't work. 

Well we'll see what the doc has to say....!

Let the waiting game begin again! Until next time,
ALJ

Two Week Wait

Well, a week has officially passed since Baby J was transferred!  I have been all sorts of excited since that Tuesday afternoon!  The excitement also brings uncertainty...!  Uncertainty also known as the Two Week Wait.  The 2WW is length of time between embryo transfer and either when your period begins or when you get a positive pregnancy test.  Tests are usually completed 12-14 days after transfer.  I would have a blood test on May 27th, but C and I will have hopefully caught our limit in walleye, northern, and lake trout in CANADA by that time!!  So, we have our blood test scheduled for Saturday, June 2nd at 8 am.  I was so pleased to hear that the clinic does blood testing / lab work on the weekend!  I figured that I would have to 2WW+ until Monday the 4th.  I could of course do the home pregnancy test on the 12th day, but I think I will stick it out and wait until the clinic date.  Don't get me wrong I want to know as soon as possible - killing me not knowing, but I do not want to get a negative result while I am in a foreign country!!!

Two days after the transfer I called the laboratory to get the final count on frozen embryos.  Unfortunately, they were only able to save and freeze 5 embryos.  The last embryos were hanging on but did not continue to grow in the lab.  Still....5 embryos is plenty!  I would never have had the thought of having 6 kids!  The total just gives me hope that if this time around we get a negative result, we still have opportunities to try again without having to do all of the fertility drugs to retrieve more eggs.

Here's to hoping that the time in Canada is enjoyable, somewhat goes slowly... but fast enough to get back home and get that blood test completed as this is the next major milestone!  This blog has been very therapeutic for me to write what I've been going though and has allowed me to share our journey with close friends / family.  The blog has also been fun for me to re-read what I've written, see the major milestones we've passed, and know how far we've come since the very first time C & I even spoke together about the thought of having Baby J. 

Well, I suppose the time has come that I should probably start thinking about packing to go up to the great north!  Hope you all have a grrrrreat week!

Love you all,
ALJ

Transferred!

Baby J has been officially transferred as of 1 pm today!  The procedure today went really well with no pain involved at all.  Corey and I changed into our get up - I had on a back / butt showing gown and C changed into scrubs.  We both had booties and hair nets as well.  C looked stylish and almost looked like he was a doctor !  C changed so he was able to sit in the room with me as they transferred baby J!!! 

The doctor somewhat put us on the spot today.... He asked us if we wanted to transfer 1 or 2 embryos - I just had envisioned that he would do two and that was protocol.  That was not a conversation that C or I had discussed!!  We basically put our hands in the expertise of the doctor.  His suggestion was to only transfer one embryo.  There were three factors to his reasoning as to why one would be the best option: 1. we have enough frozen eggs (looking like 10+ that fertilized out of the original 35) if this one fails to work, 2.  the quality of my eggs were really really really good (better than normal - finally something is going right bahahah!), 3.  my age aka I'm young.  

The procedure basically involved placing a catheter into my uterus and pushing the embryo into baby J's new "home."   The nurse used an external ultrasound on my stomach to help the doc navigate.  When everything was completed she turned the ultrasound screen so C and I could take a look.  She pointed out and we were able to see a small dot on the screen, which was fluid surrounding the embryo - so baby J is in there!  I was able to keep myself together until doctor & nurse left the room - at that point a few tears streamed out.

The doctor and nurse left us in the room for about 30 minutes.  They tilted the table so my legs were waaaay higher than my head - talk about blood rush to the head!  Before they left the room they gave us a picture of two embryos, one of which is baby J.  This picture absolutely amazing and probably the best picture I've ever seen!  I can't help but get emotional every time I look at the picture.  I really want to carry the picture around and show off what our baby J looks like... buuuut I don't want to be that creepy girl !  I also am on "bed rest" for today and tomorrow - so unfortunately back to work on Thursday & Friday. 

I have a blood test scheduled for June 2nd to see if this officially worked!  Typically you would do so 12 days after today (27th), but we'll be in Canada fishing!  I was so excited to hear that the clinic does lab work on weekends - this will be nice to not have to wait until the following Monday!  I could take a home pregnancy test... buuuutttt I think I'll just wait...


I'll end this one on a few lyrics from a song that my friends and I used to sing alllll the time:


"And it's a great day to be alive, I know the sun's still shinin when I close my eyes."

Heck yes, this was a GREAT day to be ALIVE!
Love you all!
ALJ

Retrieved!

The eggs have officially been retrieved!  I made the trip to the clinic with my trusty driver a.k.a. my loving husband early this morning!  I changed into a pretty gown, put on a hair net, and slipped little bootie covers over my feet.  The nurse started my IV and away we went!  I was sitting in the chair as she was going over the details about the up coming days and the transfer day.  They had Corey go back to the waiting room until I came back out into the recovery room after the procedure.

The nurse injected something... but whatever that was she warned me I'd feel goofy in about 30 seconds... damn was she right!  All of a sudden I did indeed feel goofy!  A little more time went by and then I finally walked into the "operating" room with two nurses, one on each side holding onto my arms.  I remember walking to the room and one nurse telling me to lay down on the "bed."  I couldn't even tell you what the room looked like, what the "bed" looked like, what instruments were in the room, how many other people were in the room, or honestly I don't even remember laying down!  That must have been some gooooood stuff!

I do however recall waking up momentarily during the procedure.  I think I was moaning out loud... and I do recall that I could feel "pain," but I couldn't really "feel" what they were doing.  I slightly remember hearing the nurse say to me multiple times, Amber, breathe.... AMBER... breathe.... breathe Amber...!  I would suspect that after they realized I was uncomfortable they pushed a little more drugs into that IV.  I have no recollection of walking or if I even walked back to the recovery room.  I don't really know at what point when I started to wake up, but what I do remember is that Corey was sitting next to me.

Before I went into the "operating" room, there was another lady gearing up to do the retrieval process right after me.  As I mentioned before, I don't remember walking back to the recovery room, but while I was waking up, I saw them walk the other lady back to the "room" or curtain next to me... Wonder what I looked like before, during, and after... I wish they would have video taped that... I am hoping that the same nurse is there on Tuesday to ask how much of a fool I made out of myself... bhahahaha!

Anyways, they collected 35 eggs - Holy moly!  No wonder it felt like my ovaries were grapefruits hanging out there inside me!  20 of the eggs they injected with Corey's... well lets just call them "boys."  The other 15 they will freeze for future use, if we ever desire to use them at a future date.  They will monitor the growth of the embryos in the next 5 days.  They will then pick out the "best" two embryos as the quality of both the eggs and sperm will make a difference!

Tuesday is THE DAY... well I guess today was THE day as the sperm and egg met... but Tuesday is THE DAY that they will implant the embryos back into me!  Tomorrow evening brings the dreaded progesterone shot.  1.5" needle with 1 cc of liquid injected into my rump!  Sure hope Corey brings his A game tomorrow and shoots that needle in so fast!  Guess we'll see!!!

What a grrrrreat day!  I have experienced a little bit of pain since the procedure, but Tylenol has taken the edge off a little bit.  I am still sooooo excited and cannot wait for Tuesday!

Update after Tuesday's endeavors!

Moving FOWARD!

Well, here we are and we're moving forward!  Monday brought on another check up appointment to see how things were going aka growing!  Once again, the ultrasound showed a lot of follicles.  Unfortunately, after the nurse took the measurements of the follicles they were smaller than where they need to be for retrieval.  The follicles were around what they call size 16 and they needed to be size 18.  The nurse came back into the room and said she would call me later in the afternoon with the plan for the next step due to the size of the follicles.  Basically, the clinic needed to look at the blood work test results before making a decision.  A phone call back from the nurse scared me half to death!  The nurse said that my estrogen level was at 5037 (While this number is not helpful as I don't know what a normal reading would be, that does seem like a LARGE number.  One reason for my levels being high is that each one of the follicles contain estrogen, so my overabundant ovaries created a high level of estrogen.).  The nurse said that a trigger shot could not be prescribed to someone who's level is that high.  What she said and what I heard were two different things!  I had a momentary scare and what I heard was that my estrogen level was too high... and it was alllllll over with.  When in reality, I just allowed my mind to unravel and not really comprehend what she said.  Momentary lapse but wow did that scare me!  With the combination of my follicles not being big enough and my estrogen level so high, the next step was to change up my medications.

A trip to my favorite pharmacy Bauder's was the next step after work!  I was told to reduce my dose of Repronex to only one vial of power to 1 cc of liquid, not to take Lupron or the Follistem pen and I was also prescribed Ganirelix.  Ganirelix basically does the same thing as Lupron, but must pack some sort of different punch!  I looked online to see if I could find a difference between the two, but not such luck.  Both of those drugs stop the production of two hormones (LH & FSH) that are created by the pituitary glad.  So, from my understanding this drug is needed to prevent the release of the follicles before the follicles are at appropriate size.  Ganirelix was another mad scientist drug!  The syringe was preloaded with liquid and all I had to do was inject the liquid into the powder vial and draw the liquid back into the syringe, switch to a smaller needle, and inject.  Pictured below is the Ganirelix.

Yes, indeed I did mention that I love this pharmacy.  My favorite pharmacist Kim was working and she remembered my name.  Now to give her credit I am sure that the clinic called and told her that I needed this drug, but she still had to put a face with a name!  She described how to mix and inject, but let's be honest... I'm pretty much a pro now.  On my way out of the pharmacy she remembered last time and bought me that malt, so I did indulge... delicious!

My encouragement had slipped a little due to yesterday's results.  Today, I had another blood draw and ultrasound.  I geared up once again and went to the clinic to be attacked by the blood stealing vampire!  I will have to say that I thought the follicles looked bigger today on the ultrasound.  However, after taking measurements the nurse said she only saw one that was size 18, with others close.  I was instantly discouraged as I was hoping to get this retrieval going as soon as possible!  I guess I am just really excited to continue on this journey!  When the nurse came back into the room she said I was right on the verge of going ahead or waiting another day.  I was left to wait until she called me back this afternoon.  Now when I went into this appointment I told her that she needed to tell me some good news - that was her job today.  This afternoon she finally gave me that good news!  She said that the doctor had approved me for the GO AHEAD!

Onward to Bauder's Pharmacy once again!  When I told Mark, the other pharmacist and Kim's brother, that I needed to pick up my trigger shot, Kim spoke up.  She said she was hoping that was what I was there to pick up the trigger!  Kinda nice to have someone who doesn't know you, be excited for you!  Tonight at 7:00 is when I was told to take the trigger shot... OKAY who was the genius who called this the trigger SHOT?  Well damn there are two shots...they need to change that to trigger SHOTS!  Here are the trigger shots of Ovidrel.

 

Ovidrel is a hormone that causes the expulsion of the egg from the follicle.  This drug is typically given 34-36 hours before the retrieval process.  Therefore, the retrieval will officially be Thursday morning.  I am to arrive at the clinic by 7:45.  I am officially done with needles until after the transfer which is scheduled for Tuesday!!!!!  After the transfer I start progesterone shots - yikes.  I cannot believe how far we've come since the day we first saw my IVF calendar.  I'm just so happy that things are starting to come together!  Happy more like ecstatic that we're MOVING FORWARD!

Update on Thursday!
ALJ

20+ Holes!

Holy cow, I just looked at the plastic bottle where I've been putting my syringes after giving myself a shot.  Tonight, I've officially given myself 20 Lupron shots plus the extra 2 shots per day since Monday.  I keep psyching myself out with the Repronex shot... just a bigger syringe and I keep thinking about the shot too much before I actually take the plunge!  Fortunately I only have about 5 or so shots of that left! 

Here are a few pictures of the shots:

 This would be the Lupron fixings

Lupron - Small needle, small syringe! 20+ of these bad boys!!

 This would be the Repronex, the one that I have to mix.  Two purple vials are the powder and the white lid is the liquid.  So 1 cc of the white lid with 2 of the purple powders.  BIG syringe for mixing, and small blue syringe for injecting!!

Follistim pen - Small needle! The pen is "dialed" out to 150, the dosage I'm currently injecting.  (PS you can also see my "nasty" looking nail on my bum thumb.  At least the nail is grown out to cover the skin and looks like a more normal thumb, but the nail is a little funky yet!

The Lupron and Repronex are both in the evening and the Follistim pen is in the morning.  This is pretty handy because at 6:00 am I am totally not awake to be mixing and drawing medicine into syringes!  The pen is pretty quick and easy!

I had my appointment on Wednesday and everything seemed to be coming along just fine.  The nurse said that no news is good news, so if I didn't hear from them then I am supposed to continue on with the same amount of medications - other wise they would make adjustments based on my lab results.  I heard no news so I'm continuing on!  Every time I go to these appointments I keep hearing weird things... at the first ultrasound and blood draw the nurse said that my ovaries were really far apart from each other... odd never heard that one before.  Wednesday the nurse said that I had quite a few follicles forming and that I would "probably feel them growing" - slightly creepy... but I guess this is a good thing that they're "growing."  I almost can't wait to hear what the nurse is going to tell me tomorrow at my next appointment! HAH

Until next time!

ALJ

Week 5!

Woah... Time is sure flying on this calendar of mine!  My excuse for not posting last week, was because I must have been busy and I'm getting older / forgetful with this last birthday - yup that's my story and I'm sticking to it!  Well for a recap, week 4 wasn't much different than the beginning of week 3 as I just continued on my nightly Lupron shots.  I will have to admit that the shots are getting easier and easier each and every day.

Thursday, I had my baseline ultrasound and blood work done.  I also had to fork over my share of the cost for the procedures at the fertility clinic.  Thank goodness for flexible spending accounts!  I am pretty pleased that I put enough in the flex for this year to cover the cost of the medications and the fertility clinic cost.   I'll hopefully be able to plan for next year with the hospital bills WHEN baby J comes!  Anywho, the appointment at the clinic went well.  I was a little nervous as I had started a "cycle" as the birth control pills ran out... I wasn't sure if this was a normal thing or if the whole process had somehow gotten messed up and I would have to start over?!  Needless to say I was pretty scared to go to the appointment, but my nurse Nicole shrugged it off as it was nothing to worry about.  BIG sigh of relief after that...

Onward with the ultrasound!  Nicole was looking to see how my ovaries looked and measure the follicles and the lining of the uterus.  She basically reiterated the fact that I did have PCOS, because when you look at the pictures that she printed off you can see multiple follicles present in the ovaries - which is nothing new... I've know this since at least December 2011.  However, week 5 brings an addition of two more injectable drugs.  These two drugs (Repronex and Follistim) are both stimulation drugs.  They will stimulate the growth of multiple eggs within the ovaries.  Typically you only produce one egg during a cycle, but these two medications will produce multiple eggs to allow for multiple eggs to be taken during the egg retrieval process.  This sounds good, but this stimulation can be a problem with a person who has PCOS as you may overstimulate too many follicles.  So those with PCOS can get OHSS - gotta love acronyms.  Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome.  Basically, I want to produce more than one follicle, but do not want to produce too many.  Therefore, the clinic will be monitoring my hormone levels and being very careful about the dosage of the two stimulation medications they prescribe!

Speaking of medications... I picked up the two drugs on Friday.  I absolutely love Bauder's Pharmacy.  I know that this is probably a requirement that they talk to you about how the injections work, but the pharmacists are so nice and take the time to really make sure you understand the process.  They were very busy with people coming in and out getting prescriptions filled.  The pharmacist had to walk away from me for about 5 minutes and the pharmacy tech asked if I wanted something to drink for free.  Such kind staff.  The pharmacist explained that the Repronex is somewhat of a mad scientist drug.  The vials contain a power that I will mix with a liquid.  For the moment, I will be mixing 2 power vials with 1 cc of liquid every evening in addition to the Lupron.  Follistim is in a cartridge pen style form that I will be injecting in the morning.  I wish all of the drugs came in this style!  All you have to do is dial the pen to the correct dosage and stick yourself and push the pen in until it clicks!  So much easier than drawing the medication into a syringe or doing this mixing business!  Guess what life isn't easy...yeah yeah, I hear your finger violin a playing... :)

There must be some real winners, impatient, or rude people that come in to get their medications as the pharmacist was amazed at how I was picking up on the information she was telling me.  She made mention at one point that I should be teaching this "class."  Again, as I said she felt really bad about having to leave me sit there for a few minutes that when I went to leave she asked if she could buy me an ice cream cone.  I had to confess that I had already had a shake at lunch time, and that I probably shouldn't indulge in another desert for the day (stupid on my part to have a shake at lunch knowing I was going to Bauder's - which has THE BEST malts I've had in years).  She said that I needed to call in ahead of time on my next visit to pick up my trigger shot (right before egg retrieval) and she would make sure that someone would be here to help me right away as well as buy me an ice cream cone.  Have I mentioned I love this pharmacy?

I'm going to try this next week to get some pictures of the drugs and syringes for a visual... mostly because I want to be really open about what I'm doing as well as document this journey.  Life is a roller coaster at the moment as I said I was slightly depressed, nervous, and anxious for that first Dr. appointment.  However, I definitely feel like I'm on cloud 26 now!! I can't wait to start the stimulation drugs!  I have appointments on the 2nd, 4th, 7th, and possibly the 8th to track how the stimulation is progressing.  From there the 9th, 10th, or 11th could be go time for retrieval!  Those dates then bring the 14th, 15th, or 16th for the embryo transfer!  These next two weeks are going to fly by and like I said I CANNOT WAIT!!!!  After the transfer days will bring a little bit of a down hill slide for the roller coaster wondering if things went well and baby J will be a reality.  I am happy to say that I will be going to Canada on the 24th for the annual fishing trip, so that will help take my mind off of the results for a little bit!

I am just so excited I just want to tell the whole wide world - but not right now... I'll just be happy with letting you all know that things are progressing in the right direction!!!!

LOVE YOU ALL
ALJ

Week Three

Week 3 has officially started, which means the introduction of needles... Yikes! Friday, I went down to the pharmacy to pick up my first inject-able drug. I don't believe I've mentioned this before, but the only pharmacy in the greater DSM area that supplies fertility drugs is Bauder's Pharmacy. The pharmacy is located on Ingersoll and is east of 42nd street. This is a really neat old style pharmacy complete with the soda / ice cream bar with stools so you can sit right at the counter. The pharmacist is a very nice and knowledgeable man. He's is probably in his mid 50's to early 60's and you can tell by the way he works that this is definitely not his first rodeo dealing with these fertility drugs! Friday's trip to the pharmacy was to pick up Lupron. The pharmacist did a little show and tell with me to ensure that I knew what I was supposed to be doing when I got home. I had a pretty good idea of what to do from listening to the Mid-Iowa Fertility nurse and I also knew that I would have a pretty good expert to help me out on Saturday for the first shot. The expert would be nurse Cindy aka the best mom ever!! As I went to pay for the drug, the pharmacist said that the whole bag (syringes, lupron, and alcohol swabs) needed to go into the fridge. I gave him a look and said "Really? The whoooole bag?" He responded with: "Well, no" and smiled at me like okay smart ass get out of here so I can help the next customer.

I couldn't leave Bauder's without purchasing a vanilla malt (again this is an old style pharmacy). I got sucked in.... I knew the malt would be delicious... and let me tell you, that was the best malt I've had in years! I "drank" that malt like it was the last thing I was ever going to eat! I hope I don't have to go back to the pharmacy too many more times... this will be a bad, bad, bad habit to get into!

I worked Saturday which was probably a hidden blessing because that kept me from stewing and fretting about the shot that awaited me on Saturday evening. I had asked the expert if she would be willing to come down and stay overnight to assist me with that first shot. I am sure that she got a little bit of a kick out of watching how nervous I was for this first experience! However, I am definitely grateful that mom and dad were able to come on down and stay at our home. There is nothing better than the care of your mother! After another lesson on how to fill the syringe, the time had finally come. I hesitated quite a bit. That first step to stab yourself with that needle is tough, especially because I've never done that! I'm not sure what made me go through with the motion, but before I knew it... the needle was gone and in the skin. With shaky hands I pushed the plunger in until all the medication was gone and in a swift motion pulled out the needle. I cannot believe I just did that....

Mom helped me fill the syringe one more time tonight before she and dad took off to go home. Again, I don't know what got into me to give that shot tonight, but I found a way. I can't say that the shot tonight was any easier than the previous night, but I have hope that the next couple weeks will be easier. I only have 23 more nights for that drug... BRING 'EM ON! Injection site was a little red and irritated after the shots, but nothing too out of control.

On a side note my thumb is still healing well and the nail is getting closer to being fully grown out! Major accomplishment for this week was being able to remove my right eye contact using my right hand. Since the day the accident happened, I've had to use my left hand to remove both contacts! I feel more efficient now as I can take both of my contacts out at once rather than one at a time! Small wins....

Week 3 is officially in full swing!
ALJ

Week 2!

I was issued my official IVF calendar this past week! I was pretty excited to get the calendar to help me "map" out what is happening when! I bet this surprises you all that I like to have a schedule :)....OR maybe not! The biggest thing for me is that the calendar puts a little more clarity into the whole process. I am for sure starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Today officially brings us to week 2 on the calendar! At work we keep talking about celebrating the small wins... so I guess I'm bringing that to my personal life and celebrating the small wins! Today started 2 different types of antibiotics for me and a z-pack for C. The antibiotics for me will continue until next week.

My thumb is healing rapidly! I am impressed with how fast the nail has grown back and how many more tasks I can complete with my right hand - small wins now... :) My biggest accomplishment for the past week was the ability to hit the space bar with my right thumb instead of using my right pointer finger. This was somewhat of a weird thing to re-learn or re-train my brain to use my thumb instead of bringing that pointer finger down. I know... weird that I didn't just use my left thumb to space, but that seemed really awkward- almost as weird as trying to throw with my left arm.

Until next time...
ALJ

Waiting Game....

Waiting game... nobody likes to play the waiting game.... especially this girl! After C and I went to the couples learning session, I knew that it would be another month of waiting to start the process until I had my next cycle. As much as I feared that I wouldn't start my cycle "on time," I just had this hope deep down that I'd start my cycle naturally. Something, anything at least would go right and I'd start my cycle and we'd move on! At least that's what I had hoped for...

Unfortunately, hope was not in our corner this time! Good thing they have medications that will kick start my cycle. I am taking 7 days worth of provera pills to kick start Aunt Flo. For now that's where we're at... waiting for the cycle to start! After my cycle starts I'll have to start a daily routine with a handy dandy little calendar which will tell me what to take (pills or injections) on what days.

• Week 1: Daily birth control pill and a "baby" aspirin

· Week 2: Daily birth control pill, a "baby" aspirin, and 2 types of antibiotics to rid my body of nastiness!

· Week 3: Daily birth control pill, a "baby" aspirin, and start injections of Lupron (Responsible for stimulating the ovaries to develop follicles and has the effect of "quieting" the ovaries to prevent the spontaneous release of the eggs prior to the egg retrival)

· Week 4: Daily “baby” aspirin, Lupron, a baseline ultrasound to make sure everything is developing well and start with injections of Repronex & Follistim (both stimulate the ovaries to produce several eggs in one cycle)

· Week 5: Daily “baby” aspirin, Lupron, Repronex, Follistim, and every other day scans and blood draws to check the progress!

· Week 6: Egg retrieval process should happen sometime at the end of week 5 into beginning of week 6 after an injection of Ovidrel (causes expulsion of the egg from the follicle). Progesterone injections (help maintain the endometrium to help prevent miscarriages) start up until the point of embryo transfer.

· Week 7: Late week 6 into early week 7 will be the embryo transfer day!!! Bed rest the day of the transfer and the day after and Corey will have to take me as I “get” to take a valium tablet before the transfer.

· Week 8: After the transfer I wear a Vivelle skin patch (estrogen), not sure for how long as the information sheet copy was cut off at the bottom of the page.... handy.

Again, the waiting game will occur during these weeks, but I can only expect that hope will be in our corner this time and finally baby J will become a reality. I am still super nervous and anxious as I was after the couples learning event. I don't know that either of those will go away until I can see the reality that baby J is on their way into this world. The clinic provided me information sheets on all the drugs, risks of in vitro, side effects of injections, and a handy sheet on stress and infertility. The nurse at the clinic expressed that if your life was stressful at this time or your job was stressful, maybe you should wait to start the process. Seriously....this entire process stresses me out... I have hope that I'll start to settle down once things get going...

I'll appoligize now that if I act different than normal, act in a rude manner, or disinterested in any conversation/situation with you (my audience), I am truly sorry! No doubt will all these stimulation drugs, the stress of the whole process, and farm related things will cause me to be slightly preoccupied....! Just know I count on you all as my support system and love you all very much!

HAHA now you all get to play the waiting game until my next update.... how you like that?

ALJ

Words

I've been trying to come up with the right words for this post for a while now. I'm still not sure if I've got them or will ever have the right words, but here goes....

Our world was rocked with the sudden passing of Corey's brother Chris. At this point in time, I'm not sure that we understand god's plans for Chris or the future. Right now I know that we will miss this very kind and loving husband, father, and brother more than words can express. Our hearts go out to Julie, Allison, and Casey.

Corey and I made it to the couples learning session at Mid-Iowa Fertility. This was a 2 hour power point session! All of the information about the in vitro process was good to learn and talk about, however, very overwhelming. Overwhelming in a sense that there was so much information thrown at us in such a short period of time. The nurse also described the medications that I will have to be taking, how to inject the medications with syringes, and how to mix the medications. I have a lot of anxiety about all of the injections that I will have to give myself. I am definitely not a needles person at all and have never given myself a shot before. Eventually, I will need to have a shot in the back side of my hips...the nurse mentioned that this would be the worst shot and the biggest needle. She mentioned that this shot would most likely need to be injected by someone other than myself. I am unsure if Corey will be able to give me this or any of the shots for that matter, but we will cross this bridge when we get there...

I am somewhat confident that this whole needle / medication process will be alright once we actually get started. I just need to get over this beginning stewing and fretting stage! Medications will most likely start mid to late March. The nurse said that it takes about 35 days from the start of medications to the egg retrieval process - if all goes well. Approximately 5 days after that will be the embryo transfer. Again, a lot of anxiety because this all sounds so good and I will have a nice little calendar /plan to follow, but there is no guarantee that this will create baby J. I will always stay positive and never give up, but I think it is normal to have anxiety about the process.

My thumb continues to heal at a steady pace. The nail has grown about 1/3 of the way across the nail bed. I am able to use my right hand for a few tasks, but do experience pain when I forget that it is sensitive! I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday. The doctor who performed the surgery said that my thumb looked like it was healing well. He proceeded to squeeze on the sides of my thumb and asked if that hurt... well it was a little sensitive...! He squeezed out a little bit of infection.... Soooo, I am on antibiotics and he was going to do a lab test on the infection. Dang it! On the plus side, he still said it looked good and mentioned that I wouldn't need to come back! Hoping that before I know it I'll be back to normal and using my thumb more than EVER!!!

I hope you all can take the time to express to your family members how much you love them, as one never knows when the unexpected may occur. With that said, I love you and miss you all.

Until next time,
ALJ

Lumberjack?

Two weeks ago today, almost this exact point in time, I smashed my thumb! Yuckkkk. Life sure has been challenging to operate with one hand! You really do not know how much you depend on your dominant hand and a thumb to do pretty much every daily task imaginable. Tasks have gotten much easier as of lately due to less pain and sensitivity in my thumb. Still, tasks such as brushing my teeth, opening bottles, doing anything with my hair, starting my truck, putting on a seat belt, and one last one...pulling up my pants after going to the bathroom :) are a daily struggle!! Those of you who really know me, know that on an average day I'm not very fast in the showering department. So, you can imagine how much longer this takes with my left hand only and my right hand covered in a gallon sized ziploc bag. Again, I am significantly experiencing less pain, but now my only complaint is that the thumb gets so hot and itchy! The extra dressing keeps my thumb even warmer !! I have an appointment on Tuesday (1/31/12 - cannot believe that time is flying so fast that February is almost here!) to get this dressing off my thumb. I am a little nervous to see what my thumb will look like and if I will experience pain when they remove the dressing. I am also anxious to find out if I will have to keep a dressing on my thumb, a splint of some sort, or if I can let the thing go freeeeee and wild?

I mentioned that life has been challenging, but really in the grand scheme of things my life is pretty much blessed. I have great support from family, friends, and best of all my husband. This has really hit home in the last week or so when I got the news that a brave little boy lost his fight with cancer. To learn more about Eli Horn visit his website: http://www.elihorn.com/blog/. Eli was the grandson of one of our "rural neighbors" living only a 2 miles from Corey's parent's house and our house as well as a friend of my mother. Mom and Janice have known each other from their time at the University of Iowa - nursing. Eli was a brave and courageous boy that we should all take inspiration from.

Last update I mentioned that C would be having some blood-work and potentially genetic testing. The blood work test results came back and his hormone levels are A-OK. I spoke with Dr. Young and at this time he really didn't think that genetic testing was necessary. I had the appointment for the HSG (hysterosalpinogram) test, which everything looked normal. The dr. was able to tell me the results almost instantly. I had a funny moment during this exam though. Obviously something is wrong with my thumb based on the dressing and wrap. I have had multiple looks and questions. When I explain how my thumb got injured, there are a few who have no idea what a log splitter is or how it would be used. However, at this HSG test the nurse was trying to make small talk, which is fine, but after I explained what happened to my thumb, this is how the conversation went. Amber - " I smashed my thumb in a log splitter, broke the tip bone, and had to have surgery to repair a laceration." Nurse - "Ohh dear, that sounds terrible. Is this what you do for work?" Uhhhhhh - Seriously lady... no... I am not a LUMBERJACK....

Anywho, when I spoke with Dr. Young about C's blood-work, I told him about the results of my HSG test. He mentioned that from here we would basically need to start going into the in vitro process. He told me to call back when I started my cycle. I told him that was all fine and dandy, however, my last 2 cycle's had to be induced by taking progesterone pills. He told me to stop by and pick up an in vitro check sheet, and a prescription for the progesterone. The check sheet basically is a map of what we need to do to get the process started. First step was to talk to their financial department to get all of the insurance things figured out as most insurance companies will require prior approval before providing coverage. The checklist also contained a coupe more tests to complete and sign up for a couples learning session. I am sure C is just definitely looking forward to this... bahahah :) !!!

I am assuming I will have another test once my cycle starts, so this is our next direction and will most likely be my next update. Until then, thumbs up for a few more days...

Love,
ALJ

Thumbs Up

I have a few things to update you all on since my last post! Starting with the name of the post "Thumbs Up."

Corey and I were splitting wood out in the field north of our house. We cut down a rather large tree out in the field / cow pasture a month or two ago and have slowly been chopping and splitting wood from that tree. We've gotten about 4-5 truck loads of wood from the tree and expect to have about one more left. The pieces that were left on Sunday were huge chunks from the base of the tree and required splitting. As we have done for a couple years now, Corey would run the splitter and I would pull off the pieces and toss them into the back of the truck. Well, this time Corey and I were discussing something (I have no recollection what about anymore) and I was getting tired. Somehow I managed to place my hand on the butt of the splitter and my thumb slipped down on the splitter. Corey started moving the blade towards the piece of wood sitting on the splitter. The 22 tons of force from the splitter blade smashed my thumb between the piece of wood and the butt of the log splitter.

I immediately screamed out in pain for him to stop the splitter but by then it was too late (11:30 am). I whipped off my glove and was in shock from what I saw. I couldn't move until I saw Corey run. He ran to his toolbox in his truck to get some box paper towels and wrapped up my thumb. From there I ran to the passenger side of the truck and got in while Corey unhooked the splitter from the hitch and got max into the truck. We flew out of the field and back to the house as neither one of us had any ID's, insurance cards, or money. We got into Corey's new truck and from there we flew to the ER in West Des Moines. The ER was super busy and I paced in the waiting area for at least 20 minutes before they finally got me into a room, as I couldn't sit from the throbbing. From there the nurse asked me to strip down to a t-shirt layer. Well damn, I had on my Carhart coat, Carhart overalls, sweatshirt and finally my 2 t-shirt layers. I thought she was crazy asking me to remove the paper towel bandage and pull my hand through my coat. I had to remove the paper towels and saw the grossness again. I warned Corey not to look as I knew he was going to get fainty....

By 12:37 they took my BP in the room and I was off to get an x-ray of my hand to see if anything was broken. When I got back from the X-ray I made Corey take a picture of my thumb because I knew mom would love to see that (I'll spare you all)!! I think that might have done Corey in, as he decided that he might just lay down on the floor on my pile of carharts. By 1:30 the Doctor finally came into the room to assess the damage. He said that on first glance of the x-ray, that my thumb tip bone (distal phalanx) was broken, but the radiologist had not read the film and confirmed that it was broken. He was going to wait to hear from the radiologist before proceeding but he did inject lidocane in the base of my thumb which helped relieve a little pain (1:45 pm). Corey decided to lay down again but not for long as a lady walked in and was asking for insurance and payment details. She left about 2:00 pm and shortly there after the doctor walked in ready to work on my thumb. I couldn't watch but I knew he removed my nail and had started stitching up the laceration that was uncovered from removing my nail. There was a cut from the left side of the first knuckle to the right side of the nail edge. As the doc started to stitch up the cut the pain intensified greatly. He added more lidocane, but that wasn't cutting the mustard and I let him know. He seemed shocked that I could feel what was going on. I could tell he was super nervous at this point and he admitted that the cut was a little more than he could handle (half amputation) so he called in a hand surgeon (2:20 pm).

The hand surgeon finally showed up about 2:50 pm and took a look at my thumb and decided that indeed surgery tomorrow (Monday) would be the best option. From there I'm not quite sure what transpired as the pain continued to increase and the lidocane was wearing off meanwhile my thumb was just chilling out still slowly bleeding. Corey had called his parents to come into town to pick up Max as he was waiting in the truck because we brought him along. I didn't want Corey to take the time to go into the house and get his collar to keep him in the yard while we were gone...I just wanted treatment asap! Anywho, like I said I'm not sure what transpired but it was about 3:15 and the pain was OOC (out of control). Corey's parents walked in during my worst point and I am pretty sure the word got out that I was super uncomfortable because 6 people working at the hospital came in all at once. They finally hooked me up with an IV at 3:30, which had antibiotics and morphine. Thanks you generous man who shot me up with that first dose of narcs after being in pain for 3+ hours. By the time Corey left to get max into Darrell and Joyce's car and came back, I was a whole new person. Pain under control and heavy heavy heavy legs...wooohoo for morphine!!! The paramedic then wrapped up my entire right hand to stabilize the thumb for surgery the next day. I looked like lady liberty....just without a flame. Before I left they shot me up with another dose of morphine... THHHHHaaaaannnnkkkkk You! They also gave me prescriptions for antibiotics and percocet.

Lady Liberty sans the Flame

Soooo not only was I thinking about what my thumb would look like after all this, will I have a nail after all this, but is the surgery tomorrow (Monday) going to mess up my appointment at Mid-Iowa Fertility Clinic???? I wasn't completely sure as they would have to squeeze me into the surgery schedlue so anytime I got was the time I got. I was to wait until Monday to hear from the Ortho Surgery Center with an appointment time and go from there. Thankfully my appointment at the fertility clinic was at 10 am and the surgery appointment was at 11:45 am. I was able to go to both!!!

The appointment at the clinic was basically just an initial meeting with Dr. Young but we do have another direction to go in. Unfortunately, Corey's results from the second semen analysis was worse than the first. Motility and count were significantly lower and still really low. Dr. said that there is two routes with C: blood test to check out his hormone levels which can affect the motility and count and / or a genetic test. If the hormones turn out low then they can do supplements to help raise the levels. The genetic testing looks at the chromosomes to see if you can actually reproduce or not (I wouldn't think the genetic side would be the issue considering his father had kids and so did his brother). Doc said that with the levels C has, not even looking at my issues that in vitro would be the only successful route.

I have a HSG test scheduled for Friday at 4:00 pm. Doc said this would be good as it is important to have unblocked fallopian tubes even if you go with the in vitro route. Doc said that with the in vitro, they would have to go in and do an egg retrieval process on me. From there they will grade the eggs based on their reproducibility. He said if they look good and with my age, then they would most likely do only one egg at a time. Less chance of having twins!! However, if the eggs are in question then obviously they would do two to increase the chance of success, but never more than two.

You'll have to excuse me for this post if it is choppy or has misspelled words as I only used my left hand and I may or may not be influenced by some pretty good narcotics! Again, we'll see how things are going after my test on Friday as well as the hormone test results we'll get back on Corey by next Thursday. I also have an appointment on the 31st for my thumb. So until then THUMBS UP!!

Love you all,
ALJ

Hormones!

Well, as expected, I am starting another 10 days of progesterone pills to induce my cycle as it has been 6 + weeks since the start of my last cycle. Once I finally start my cycle, I am supposed to call the Doc and set up an appointment to get a hysterosalpinogram /he-ster-o-sal-ping-o-gram/. That's a mouthful, but luckily almost no one calls it by the full name...they just say HSG test. The test involves placing an iodine-based dye through the cervix and taking x-rays to help evaluate the shape of the uterus and whether or not the fallopian tubes are open or blocked. In my case, the key to this test is identifying if the fallopian tubes are blocked.

Well the waiting game is on again until the two appointments scheduled on the 10th for C and the 16th for me at the fertility clinic as well as the HSG test which is TBD.

Until next time,
Much Love,
ALJ