Moving On

Moving on forward!  C and I met with Dr. Young on the 14th to talk about moving forward.  We have 5 frozen embryos to utilize!  The doc also mentioned that we had 5 frozen eggs... which was news to me!  The 5 frozen embryos were a relief to me knowing that this second time around wouldn't involve as many shots and all of the fertility drugs to pump up my ovaries!  The 5 frozen eggs were such a bonus!  Gave me even more hope that we won't need to do the fertility drugs.... ever again? 

I knew that we'd have to take a month off from everything, so the waiting game again has tested my patience.  Hopefully, things will start up again somewhere around July 2nd.  I have to wait until my cycle starts before starting on the 2nd round of in vitro.  If my cycle doesn't start on it's own the doc gave me a prescription for progesterone to kick start 'er.  As soon a things start up, I'll start birth control pills.  After about a week and a half of that I'll start on the small subcutaneous Lupron shots in my stomach.  Again, Lupron basically puts my body in a stall position to get things just right to insert the embryos.  I'll also be starting on 2 patches of estrogen.  The first ivf cycle I only used 1 estrogen patch, but with the frozen cycles they prescribe 2 patches.  I won't have to do as many blood draws or ultrasound scans this time around, which will be a little bit easier.  

I think I've finally snapped out of my 'funk.'  I somewhat feel as though I was addicted.... if that's what addiction feels like?  The only thing that consumed my entire life for the past 3 months (well honestly longer than that... but this is the closest we've been) has been in vitro and the thought of starting a family!  Every time I turned my head I saw billboards, commercials, movies, fliers, magazines, and pregnant women... I forget what that phenomenon is... so you buy a new vehicle and all you see is the same exact model / make as your vehicle, but before you bought vehicle you never noticed that make / model on the road.  Anyways, I couldn't get the thought out of my mind - pregnant, pregnant, pregnant.  Work wasn't and hasn't been enjoyable during this entire time either, and has been somewhat of a drag.  I wanted to be anywhere but work, but all I did at home was sit around and worry about in vitro - would it be successful, and why did things not work out?

I think things are turning in a good direction.  I give thanks to all of my family and friends who have helped me through!  While Saturday, June 2nd was probably the worst day of my life, I have been reminded and I have reminded myself that I have so much to live for as well as so much to look forward to in the future!  So here's to the future...!

PS, if you haven't already marked down on your calendar... August 25th... the last Saturday in August is the Annual Jamison Fish Fry! Hope to see you all there :)

Until next time,
love,
ALJ

BFN

I've been reading a few online forums and websites and they all use acronyms for everything!  BFN also known as Big Fat Negative.  For those of you who really know me, I definitely would substitute a different word for the F, but I think just about everyone can figure that one out!  Unfortunately, on Saturday I received the call from my nurse at the clinic.  I could tell by the first words she spoke that her news wouldn't be good.  She told me that my hCG (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin) level was at a 2, which was way too low for me to be pregnant.  A hCG level of less than 5mIU/ml is considered negative for pregnancy, and anything above 25mIU/ml is considered positive for pregnancy.  My levels should have been significantly higher as I waited three weeks instead of testing at the two week point.

In other words this ivf cycle did not work.  Nicole, my nurse, said that the next step was to set up an appointment with the doc at the clinic in this next week and discuss our options for the future.  I'm not really sure what else she said during the phone call... after the words "that level is too low for a successful pregnancy," I kinda stopped listening.  I do recall her saying that the next time around would be "easier" as I won't have to have as many drugs to prepare my body, but that the prescriptions would be slightly different than this first time around. 

To say I was devastated would the biggest an understatement of the year.  I'm not sure if I am just a little naive or what...at first I always assumed that having kids would be easy, and would happen immediately... now I thought that ivf would just work, it had to right?  Everything was perfect, everything went well... but what happened?!  There are probably a million and a half scenarios that have already gone through my head as to why things went the way they did, which is probably why I have 2 cold sores on my bottom lip... a little stress maybe???? Unfortunately, I don't think I can sit around and  keep trying to figure out what happened, as I'll probably never know.  All I do know is that something must not have been right, there has to be some reason as to why this time around didn't work. 

Well we'll see what the doc has to say....!

Let the waiting game begin again! Until next time,
ALJ

Two Week Wait

Well, a week has officially passed since Baby J was transferred!  I have been all sorts of excited since that Tuesday afternoon!  The excitement also brings uncertainty...!  Uncertainty also known as the Two Week Wait.  The 2WW is length of time between embryo transfer and either when your period begins or when you get a positive pregnancy test.  Tests are usually completed 12-14 days after transfer.  I would have a blood test on May 27th, but C and I will have hopefully caught our limit in walleye, northern, and lake trout in CANADA by that time!!  So, we have our blood test scheduled for Saturday, June 2nd at 8 am.  I was so pleased to hear that the clinic does blood testing / lab work on the weekend!  I figured that I would have to 2WW+ until Monday the 4th.  I could of course do the home pregnancy test on the 12th day, but I think I will stick it out and wait until the clinic date.  Don't get me wrong I want to know as soon as possible - killing me not knowing, but I do not want to get a negative result while I am in a foreign country!!!

Two days after the transfer I called the laboratory to get the final count on frozen embryos.  Unfortunately, they were only able to save and freeze 5 embryos.  The last embryos were hanging on but did not continue to grow in the lab.  Still....5 embryos is plenty!  I would never have had the thought of having 6 kids!  The total just gives me hope that if this time around we get a negative result, we still have opportunities to try again without having to do all of the fertility drugs to retrieve more eggs.

Here's to hoping that the time in Canada is enjoyable, somewhat goes slowly... but fast enough to get back home and get that blood test completed as this is the next major milestone!  This blog has been very therapeutic for me to write what I've been going though and has allowed me to share our journey with close friends / family.  The blog has also been fun for me to re-read what I've written, see the major milestones we've passed, and know how far we've come since the very first time C & I even spoke together about the thought of having Baby J. 

Well, I suppose the time has come that I should probably start thinking about packing to go up to the great north!  Hope you all have a grrrrreat week!

Love you all,
ALJ

Transferred!

Baby J has been officially transferred as of 1 pm today!  The procedure today went really well with no pain involved at all.  Corey and I changed into our get up - I had on a back / butt showing gown and C changed into scrubs.  We both had booties and hair nets as well.  C looked stylish and almost looked like he was a doctor !  C changed so he was able to sit in the room with me as they transferred baby J!!! 

The doctor somewhat put us on the spot today.... He asked us if we wanted to transfer 1 or 2 embryos - I just had envisioned that he would do two and that was protocol.  That was not a conversation that C or I had discussed!!  We basically put our hands in the expertise of the doctor.  His suggestion was to only transfer one embryo.  There were three factors to his reasoning as to why one would be the best option: 1. we have enough frozen eggs (looking like 10+ that fertilized out of the original 35) if this one fails to work, 2.  the quality of my eggs were really really really good (better than normal - finally something is going right bahahah!), 3.  my age aka I'm young.  

The procedure basically involved placing a catheter into my uterus and pushing the embryo into baby J's new "home."   The nurse used an external ultrasound on my stomach to help the doc navigate.  When everything was completed she turned the ultrasound screen so C and I could take a look.  She pointed out and we were able to see a small dot on the screen, which was fluid surrounding the embryo - so baby J is in there!  I was able to keep myself together until doctor & nurse left the room - at that point a few tears streamed out.

The doctor and nurse left us in the room for about 30 minutes.  They tilted the table so my legs were waaaay higher than my head - talk about blood rush to the head!  Before they left the room they gave us a picture of two embryos, one of which is baby J.  This picture absolutely amazing and probably the best picture I've ever seen!  I can't help but get emotional every time I look at the picture.  I really want to carry the picture around and show off what our baby J looks like... buuuut I don't want to be that creepy girl !  I also am on "bed rest" for today and tomorrow - so unfortunately back to work on Thursday & Friday. 

I have a blood test scheduled for June 2nd to see if this officially worked!  Typically you would do so 12 days after today (27th), but we'll be in Canada fishing!  I was so excited to hear that the clinic does lab work on weekends - this will be nice to not have to wait until the following Monday!  I could take a home pregnancy test... buuuutttt I think I'll just wait...


I'll end this one on a few lyrics from a song that my friends and I used to sing alllll the time:


"And it's a great day to be alive, I know the sun's still shinin when I close my eyes."

Heck yes, this was a GREAT day to be ALIVE!
Love you all!
ALJ

Retrieved!

The eggs have officially been retrieved!  I made the trip to the clinic with my trusty driver a.k.a. my loving husband early this morning!  I changed into a pretty gown, put on a hair net, and slipped little bootie covers over my feet.  The nurse started my IV and away we went!  I was sitting in the chair as she was going over the details about the up coming days and the transfer day.  They had Corey go back to the waiting room until I came back out into the recovery room after the procedure.

The nurse injected something... but whatever that was she warned me I'd feel goofy in about 30 seconds... damn was she right!  All of a sudden I did indeed feel goofy!  A little more time went by and then I finally walked into the "operating" room with two nurses, one on each side holding onto my arms.  I remember walking to the room and one nurse telling me to lay down on the "bed."  I couldn't even tell you what the room looked like, what the "bed" looked like, what instruments were in the room, how many other people were in the room, or honestly I don't even remember laying down!  That must have been some gooooood stuff!

I do however recall waking up momentarily during the procedure.  I think I was moaning out loud... and I do recall that I could feel "pain," but I couldn't really "feel" what they were doing.  I slightly remember hearing the nurse say to me multiple times, Amber, breathe.... AMBER... breathe.... breathe Amber...!  I would suspect that after they realized I was uncomfortable they pushed a little more drugs into that IV.  I have no recollection of walking or if I even walked back to the recovery room.  I don't really know at what point when I started to wake up, but what I do remember is that Corey was sitting next to me.

Before I went into the "operating" room, there was another lady gearing up to do the retrieval process right after me.  As I mentioned before, I don't remember walking back to the recovery room, but while I was waking up, I saw them walk the other lady back to the "room" or curtain next to me... Wonder what I looked like before, during, and after... I wish they would have video taped that... I am hoping that the same nurse is there on Tuesday to ask how much of a fool I made out of myself... bhahahaha!

Anyways, they collected 35 eggs - Holy moly!  No wonder it felt like my ovaries were grapefruits hanging out there inside me!  20 of the eggs they injected with Corey's... well lets just call them "boys."  The other 15 they will freeze for future use, if we ever desire to use them at a future date.  They will monitor the growth of the embryos in the next 5 days.  They will then pick out the "best" two embryos as the quality of both the eggs and sperm will make a difference!

Tuesday is THE DAY... well I guess today was THE day as the sperm and egg met... but Tuesday is THE DAY that they will implant the embryos back into me!  Tomorrow evening brings the dreaded progesterone shot.  1.5" needle with 1 cc of liquid injected into my rump!  Sure hope Corey brings his A game tomorrow and shoots that needle in so fast!  Guess we'll see!!!

What a grrrrreat day!  I have experienced a little bit of pain since the procedure, but Tylenol has taken the edge off a little bit.  I am still sooooo excited and cannot wait for Tuesday!

Update after Tuesday's endeavors!

Moving FOWARD!

Well, here we are and we're moving forward!  Monday brought on another check up appointment to see how things were going aka growing!  Once again, the ultrasound showed a lot of follicles.  Unfortunately, after the nurse took the measurements of the follicles they were smaller than where they need to be for retrieval.  The follicles were around what they call size 16 and they needed to be size 18.  The nurse came back into the room and said she would call me later in the afternoon with the plan for the next step due to the size of the follicles.  Basically, the clinic needed to look at the blood work test results before making a decision.  A phone call back from the nurse scared me half to death!  The nurse said that my estrogen level was at 5037 (While this number is not helpful as I don't know what a normal reading would be, that does seem like a LARGE number.  One reason for my levels being high is that each one of the follicles contain estrogen, so my overabundant ovaries created a high level of estrogen.).  The nurse said that a trigger shot could not be prescribed to someone who's level is that high.  What she said and what I heard were two different things!  I had a momentary scare and what I heard was that my estrogen level was too high... and it was alllllll over with.  When in reality, I just allowed my mind to unravel and not really comprehend what she said.  Momentary lapse but wow did that scare me!  With the combination of my follicles not being big enough and my estrogen level so high, the next step was to change up my medications.

A trip to my favorite pharmacy Bauder's was the next step after work!  I was told to reduce my dose of Repronex to only one vial of power to 1 cc of liquid, not to take Lupron or the Follistem pen and I was also prescribed Ganirelix.  Ganirelix basically does the same thing as Lupron, but must pack some sort of different punch!  I looked online to see if I could find a difference between the two, but not such luck.  Both of those drugs stop the production of two hormones (LH & FSH) that are created by the pituitary glad.  So, from my understanding this drug is needed to prevent the release of the follicles before the follicles are at appropriate size.  Ganirelix was another mad scientist drug!  The syringe was preloaded with liquid and all I had to do was inject the liquid into the powder vial and draw the liquid back into the syringe, switch to a smaller needle, and inject.  Pictured below is the Ganirelix.

Yes, indeed I did mention that I love this pharmacy.  My favorite pharmacist Kim was working and she remembered my name.  Now to give her credit I am sure that the clinic called and told her that I needed this drug, but she still had to put a face with a name!  She described how to mix and inject, but let's be honest... I'm pretty much a pro now.  On my way out of the pharmacy she remembered last time and bought me that malt, so I did indulge... delicious!

My encouragement had slipped a little due to yesterday's results.  Today, I had another blood draw and ultrasound.  I geared up once again and went to the clinic to be attacked by the blood stealing vampire!  I will have to say that I thought the follicles looked bigger today on the ultrasound.  However, after taking measurements the nurse said she only saw one that was size 18, with others close.  I was instantly discouraged as I was hoping to get this retrieval going as soon as possible!  I guess I am just really excited to continue on this journey!  When the nurse came back into the room she said I was right on the verge of going ahead or waiting another day.  I was left to wait until she called me back this afternoon.  Now when I went into this appointment I told her that she needed to tell me some good news - that was her job today.  This afternoon she finally gave me that good news!  She said that the doctor had approved me for the GO AHEAD!

Onward to Bauder's Pharmacy once again!  When I told Mark, the other pharmacist and Kim's brother, that I needed to pick up my trigger shot, Kim spoke up.  She said she was hoping that was what I was there to pick up the trigger!  Kinda nice to have someone who doesn't know you, be excited for you!  Tonight at 7:00 is when I was told to take the trigger shot... OKAY who was the genius who called this the trigger SHOT?  Well damn there are two shots...they need to change that to trigger SHOTS!  Here are the trigger shots of Ovidrel.

 

Ovidrel is a hormone that causes the expulsion of the egg from the follicle.  This drug is typically given 34-36 hours before the retrieval process.  Therefore, the retrieval will officially be Thursday morning.  I am to arrive at the clinic by 7:45.  I am officially done with needles until after the transfer which is scheduled for Tuesday!!!!!  After the transfer I start progesterone shots - yikes.  I cannot believe how far we've come since the day we first saw my IVF calendar.  I'm just so happy that things are starting to come together!  Happy more like ecstatic that we're MOVING FORWARD!

Update on Thursday!
ALJ

20+ Holes!

Holy cow, I just looked at the plastic bottle where I've been putting my syringes after giving myself a shot.  Tonight, I've officially given myself 20 Lupron shots plus the extra 2 shots per day since Monday.  I keep psyching myself out with the Repronex shot... just a bigger syringe and I keep thinking about the shot too much before I actually take the plunge!  Fortunately I only have about 5 or so shots of that left! 

Here are a few pictures of the shots:

 This would be the Lupron fixings

Lupron - Small needle, small syringe! 20+ of these bad boys!!

 This would be the Repronex, the one that I have to mix.  Two purple vials are the powder and the white lid is the liquid.  So 1 cc of the white lid with 2 of the purple powders.  BIG syringe for mixing, and small blue syringe for injecting!!

Follistim pen - Small needle! The pen is "dialed" out to 150, the dosage I'm currently injecting.  (PS you can also see my "nasty" looking nail on my bum thumb.  At least the nail is grown out to cover the skin and looks like a more normal thumb, but the nail is a little funky yet!

The Lupron and Repronex are both in the evening and the Follistim pen is in the morning.  This is pretty handy because at 6:00 am I am totally not awake to be mixing and drawing medicine into syringes!  The pen is pretty quick and easy!

I had my appointment on Wednesday and everything seemed to be coming along just fine.  The nurse said that no news is good news, so if I didn't hear from them then I am supposed to continue on with the same amount of medications - other wise they would make adjustments based on my lab results.  I heard no news so I'm continuing on!  Every time I go to these appointments I keep hearing weird things... at the first ultrasound and blood draw the nurse said that my ovaries were really far apart from each other... odd never heard that one before.  Wednesday the nurse said that I had quite a few follicles forming and that I would "probably feel them growing" - slightly creepy... but I guess this is a good thing that they're "growing."  I almost can't wait to hear what the nurse is going to tell me tomorrow at my next appointment! HAH

Until next time!

ALJ